I Hate Coupons
It’s time that someone finally said it: coupons suck.
I know, I know, there is an incredible thrill that you experience at the store register when you watch the cashier lop some chunky amount off your bill and turn your purchase into a great deal. Believe me, I LOVE that feeling.
Unfortunately, with the total lack of organization–and the complete inability to shop in a planned rather than “oh-shit” reactive fashion–that have overtaken my life since having kids, the number of times I’m able to capitalize on those “great deals” that keep showing up in my mailbox or being handed to me as I leave the register are fewer and fewer.
Sadly, if I counted the number of times I’ve been able to use the coupons that have found their way into my household this year, it would fall to far less than ten. So you know what I’d like to say to all these really generous, unself-interested entities?
STOP SENDING ME COUPONS!
Stop sticking circulars on my doorstep. Stop mailing me those awesome $25 rewards I get for using your credit card but then find a year-and-a half later in my wallet with an expired date. Stop giving me those damn percentage-off coupons as I exit the store, after having laid down $200 on my child’s spring wardrobe. Even if I could afford to come back in 13.5 days as you suggest to spend MORE money at your store, I will never remember to do so or find the time!
Frankly, receiving coupons just depresses me. Every time you give me one, I am reminded that my life is on the edge of reeling out of control and that unlike all my friends and neighbors who have a coupon folder tidily stashed in their trunk, which they remember to sort through just before their preplanned shopping trip, I am just a wannabe economizer with one more area of life that I can’t quite keep up with.
So please oh please, keep your darn coupons. And for those of you who have been selling me clothes with those little ziploc baggies of extra string and buttons, you can keep those too. I’m tired of stowing them in my junk drawer.