midnight mommies

As a mom of two young kids, there’s a seemingly unalterable reality that I continually have to face: my bandwidth for personal projects is slim. Very very very slim. No matter how clever I try to get with my routines, no matter how many times I attempt to rejigger my schedule–it always shakes out the same…I only have time for one project at at time, per evening, per “period,” per year, per whatever.

If you’re anything like me, you may have a to-do list that is a mile long, with some of your favorite things at the bottom, seemingly never getting done. I love writing this blog, but my posts have been, um, practically nonexistent this past summer. Then, just the other day, I realized unexpectedly that for all the fun, luxuriant, or purely indulgent things I don’t manage to squeeze into my work-filled days and my parenting-filled evenings, that I’m back to doing something I love five days a week. Making Robert’s school lunch! Robert likes to be surprised at what’s in his lunch, and I like to surprise him too. So even though the lunch-making routine is one more chore on the list that simply has to be done now that school’s back in session, I’m glad that I realized recently that I enjoy the process of making it. It’s a time to craft the perfect well-balanced meal that will keep Robert feeling steady at school…and my chance to send a little love in a lunch box.

It was a small item, really. It cost us less than five dollars at the party store. And, yet, the pain of it went far far beyond the expense. What exactly was I thinking when I okayed the purchase of that purple and red noisemaker? “Sure, throw it on the pile,” I thought, as Robert [...]

Yes, I trembled. Of course, I worried. Would he be able to make it through two stories without spilling? Well, we all know how this story turned out. For the rest of the week, I’ve been waking to those hardened globules of Middle Eastern goodness embedded in my arms, skitting about my sheets. Is this totally my own fault for being a softy? Am I hopelessly irresponsible?

Because I awoke this morning feeling a little bit off, kind of down, and slightly disoriented as if I had forgotten something, lost something important, or done something wrong (was it the rain? the fact that it was a Monday morning? or some misalignment of the stars?), I decided today’s blog would be dedicated to clearing any guilt from my subconscious and taking time to appreciate some of the things I have managed to do right in the past few days.